Best Laid Plans

I thought of my aunt while washing my hands in the neighborhood hamburger-ice cream place. It was the type of place she would have liked. Good food, reasonable prices, clean. I like it too, and for the record, I had a chicken sandwich on a wheat roll and soup.

The restroom annoyed me. First, the faucet was on a spring loaded timer that lasted maybe 12 seconds. Enough time to rinse maybe two fingers, which meant I had to keep touching it while washing my hands. Now I am very neurotic for a slob, and hate to touch the faucet after washing my hands. I like to use a paper towel to shut off the water. Because you turn the water on with your dirty hands and so does everyone else. Only there were no paper towels, just one of those air dryers, the kind that take 15 minutes, while women stand outside the one and only restroom and jiggle the door knob, saying is anybody in there. They invariably have a five-year old in tow, who is crossing their legs and saying "Mommy, I have to go NOW." So I wiped my hands on my pants, which were a stretch blend and not very absorbent and thought of my aunt, who was cheap.

She was also tough. My parents used to threaten to send us over there when they didn't know what to do with us. I didn't get it as a kid, but when I visited my cousins, she sometimes made me vacuum. Because my mother didn't make me do anything. My mom liked things done perfect, and fast, so she could coffee klatch with her friends. Making her kids do chores was harder than doing them herself, and now I chuckle at the obvious tension between my mom and my aunt. Anyway, my aunt was famous for not allowing her four daughters to wash their hair in the shower. They were only allowed to do it every other day, in the kitchen sink. Also, if they wanted to invite a friend for dinner, they had to split their portion.

My aunt saved up what we spend-thrift debt-ridden relations considered a small fortune. She retired young after being widowed in her early sixties, made a "friend," and traveled. She walked three miles a day, watched what she ate, argued with her grown daughters and was always on my side. She was prepared to live as long as her mother, who is now 94. She even had long term care insurance, so whe wouldn't lose her assets if she had to go into a nursing home in her old age.

The insurance came in handy when she was diagnosed with a brain tumor at 64. She was dead in less than a year, and she took whatever made my grandmother my grandmother with her when she died. I still find this shocking, sad, unbelievable.

It blisters with irony, but I've decided to strive for insouciance instead. A lovely word, lovely in spirit, like Audrey Hepburn in sunglasses and heels, having a cocktail with the actor who played the straight hunky version of Truman Capote in Breakfast at Tiffany's. I want light and air and a little bit of fun. Because no matter how you plan, life is too long or too short, and hard and you need to have all the fun you can while you can, while you can still move your arms and form sentences and recognize the people you gave birth to...